yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
