For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
