he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
