the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
