i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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