I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
