shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
