new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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