We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
