Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
