There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
