She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize