she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
