yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize