Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
