How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
