Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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