well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
