Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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