I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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