so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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