we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
