my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
