She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
