If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
