You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
