I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
