I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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