Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
