I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
