They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
