She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you win again, gameday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
