i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
