so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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