apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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