the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
