did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
