And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
