ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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