Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
