Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
