My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
