so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
