that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We need to get me chipped asap
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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