i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
