i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
