Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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