I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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