dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
