in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
