So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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