As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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