it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
