A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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