Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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