then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
