i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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