My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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