Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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