the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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