He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
