how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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