i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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