You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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