The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Randomize
