I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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