Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize