I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is Oprah even human
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
