i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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