so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize