I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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