I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize