You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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