Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
