Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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