we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
