why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
